I can help you:

For most of my life I wondered what was wrong with me. I struggled with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, Complex PTSD, and an intense fear of being seen and loved and yet I craved it.

But what was going on inside of me, a complete disconnect between my shadow and higher self, was a stark contrast to what I showed the world. Perhaps you can relate.

What many people saw, what I allowed them to see, was a girl and a woman who loved helping others. It was the crux of my existence in many ways. I felt valuable as long as I was valuable to others.

I was always there when someone needed me and went above and beyond to be everything to everyone. Classic people pleasers, perfectionist, caregiver, codependent, enabler.

But for most of my adult life, I suppose you could say I intuitively sought healing without understanding why I needed it or how to actually make it happen.

I made health and wellness my external reality. I gravitated towards it, I believe, because deep down I instinctively knew an integrative wholistic approach to healing was superior to the disconnected one many medical and mental health professionals are trained to offer their clients.

In my early twenties I was a weight loss consultant, personal trainer, travelled to India to become a yoga and meditation teacher, and then became a Reiki Master in my early thirties. I've even spent over six years working in other Integrative Functional and Alternative Health and Chiropractic Centers, soaking up all there was to learn from both traditional and alternative healing professionals who care deeply about treating being beings as a whole.

And for many years I was on a spiritual quest for the answer to the question, "what's wrong with me?"

I wanted to feel love, joy, and inner peace. I wanted to be free from the constant self doubt and self loathing that permeated by entire being. I wanted to understand WHY I kept attracting the same types of toxic, dysfunctional, and abusive people and experiences into my life even though "I wanted things to be different this time". For far too long, no matter what I did, I couldn't feel better, no matter what I learned, or who I tried to be. The cycle of drama and trauma plagued me.

Nothing seemed to stick.

Yoga and weight training helped. Eating healthy definitely kept me in a more positive and energized place, mentally and physically. Reiki taught me how to manage and restore my energy, but there was still something missing. These helped me learn to cope in a healthier way with my anxiety, but they didn't get to the root of it, so when I stopped exercising or stopped eating healthy I was consumed with pain and grief at the slightest trigger.

Finally, I hit a wall after struggling to leave yet another toxic and abusive relationship. 

Abuse had been a pattern in my life, and it's also what brought me to an understanding of why I felt the way I did.

I came to the realization that Childhood Trauma was at my core and was the reason I was so stuck in a vicious cycle of helplessness, powerlessness, drama, and isolation despite the many attempts and various modalities I used to alleviate my pain.

Ah ha! After working with a trauma therapist, referred by the domestic violence division of the police department, I finally found the missing piece to three decades of struggle.

There's nothing wrong with me. Things happened to me in childhood, trauma in various forms, that led me down this dark and painful path. 

Trauma is a like an onion. You must peel back the layers and cry the ugly tears to truly get to the core of what happened and understand how those painful past experiences led to dysfunction and dysregulation in your mind-body-soul and infiltrated your life and relationships like a sneaky foreign spy.

In many circumstances, like in my case, your brain might have hid, or failed to encode, certain memories to protect you, and you may never retrieve all the answers the questions, what's wrong with me? But there's a really important area you can begin looking for clues.

Your Body Always Remembers. Whether you remember your trauma or not, or understand it for what is it or not, it has been stored in your body and will, without resolution, continue to control your mind, mood, and potential.

Trauma. What a loaded six letter word.

The understanding of trauma's neurobiological, psychological, physiological, and spiritual impact on my life liberated me from the depths of my despair. I finally found a way to heal and move forward by integrating today's trauma research with ancient healing practices.

Now, I'm a Certified Trauma and Complex PTSD Coach through the Arizona Trauma Institute, with a focus on Somatic and Spiritual Healing. I use my lived experiences and training to help survivors makes sense of what happened to them so they may heal from the past, align with their truth, and manifest all of their desires.